Thoughts . . .

February 21-27, 1999 - Vol. 2, No. 8

To return to the Index click here. For a free email subscription click here.

QUOTE OF THE WEEK

"The thing I hate about an argument is that it always interrupts a discussion."
--G.K. Chesterton (1874-1936) English journalist, essayist, novelist, and poet

PERSONAL REFLECTIONS

Arguments! Do they ever really resolve anything? What really is at the core when we argue? Usually it is the sound of our own voice, and not very much more. Listening cannot coexist with arguing. Resolution is very seldom possible with arguing. A good aerobic workout . . . maybe!

When there are differing views on something, when the common ground is very uncommon, when the issues are very emotional, wanting to get our point across is natural. "I know I am right, now why can't these other bozos see it my way," we may say to ourselves. So the heat builds up, we interrupt, we become deaf to words, we only have "our" position, and soon we are in an argument with little hope of changing minds or resolving issues.

Now a discussion. . . . To discuss something means to have interaction with the intent of supplying information, learning, teaching, and exchanging data. To discuss also means to LISTEN: to put ourselves in the other's place and try to understand their position before digging in so deep on ours that we have no hope of changing direction. Discussing does not mean that we throw away our values, but instead we strengthen them through our openness to other ideas and thoughts. We have not based our values on habits or paradigms, but on a true analysis of the options. Through discussion we can respect another's opinion and seek respect for ours. We operate from a centered position and may find that we are enjoying the difference of opinion. We realize that on many levels, something good is coming from the interaction.

So next time emotions are running high, issues are becoming muddy, it becomes a shouting match with little true understanding, take time out and revisit the issue as a discussion . . . not an argument. Chances are you will walk away with a resolution agreeable to all and a feeling of achievement. If not, you can always argue about it later.