QUOTATION OF THE WEEK

Sticks and stones will break our bones, but words will break our hearts.
--Robert Fulghum

The destructive power of words is massive. When we use them to strike back out of frustration, they can cut deep and leave lasting scars. When we use them in anger, we enter a battle with the sharp sword of words slashing and tearing apart relationships. Words can do so much damage, but they also can bring much healing. Try a little exercise. When you find yourself in a heated conversation and you feel a "button" being pushed, instead of lashing out with words of anger or defense, look for something positive in the discussion. Perhaps you can acknowledge a grain of truth in the words. (Be honest with yourself for there is often some truth in criticism.) Find something about the other person and their feelings that you can compliment, or at least acknowledge. Let those words be your first reply. That might defuse the attack that you are feeling . . . or it may not! Regardless, you may have planted a seed of change in the atmosphere. If you can continue in this vein, you take the steam out of an emotional exchange. Rather than focusing on your "button," you have acknowledged feelings and perhaps brought a little calmness and reason to the discussion. It is very difficult for a battle of words to take place if you refuse to participate in the attack. A spirited exchange of words done with respect and true listening can be very positive and fun, but a mean spirited, hateful exchange filled with personal attacks can only bring destruction to relationships, sometimes to the point that rebuilding is very difficult if not impossible.

It is interesting how we witness people living their lives regretting words: both the said and the unsaid. We are quick to bring words of gossip, negative thoughts, and anger into our conversations but reluctant to bring in the words of support, positive thoughts, or a simple "thank you."

Pick a day and commit to using only positive words in any exchange you have. Refuse to participate in negative gossip. Refuse to allow anger or harshness to be a part of your discussions. Put a rubber band around your wrist as a reminder and use it to "snap" yourself out of the use of negative words when you feel them rising. You may find this very difficult and find yourself resisting the plan, which may be a sign of just how much you use negative and angry words. Or you may find it refreshing and enlightening. Either way, it can be the beginning of a change in the way you use words.

One final note: Never, never, never use email to resolve an interpersonal problem, particularly one that involves high emotion. Writing down your thoughts and feelings can be very helpful, but do not hit that send button.

Blessings and love,
Allen Schmeltz